Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
