I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
