Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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