i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
