Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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