On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
