I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize