You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Panties = found
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize