glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
