just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
