i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
