we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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