she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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