do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
