you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
