i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
