the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
