Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
