ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
