wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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