What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
