I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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