there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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