Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
