I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I want to be your penis for a week.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
