I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
