I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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