So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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