just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
