So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
