Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He did a backflip because drugs
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize