turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize