The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
