The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
