She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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