you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
pray to the hookup gods
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
