i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
