If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
