I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
