Will you blow on my dice?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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