Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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