Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
