I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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