found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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