You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
