shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
