good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
