Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
