i wish my penis had a tongue
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
