Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
