i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
