Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
