Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
