obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
