wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
