she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
