moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
