just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
