hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
