genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
whose parrot is this?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
