I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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