I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
