I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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